cold
cold dot com takes you for a ride on the
Consumption Commuter Chair of Death
he trains I commute on are
double-decker. On the top level the seats are single with a little ledge below
the window where a person can set a cup or something. Today, as always, I got
on the train and walked down the aisle looking for a place to sit on the upper
level. I had picked a seat and was about to sit down when I noticed that
SOMEBODY HAD COUGHED A WHOLE LUNG ONTO THE LEDGE BY THE SEAT.OK. OK - It wasn't a lung. No, it was just a BIG UGLY BLOODY CHUNK OF SALIVA, still wet and probably fresh out of somebody's LUNG.
Hm. "I'll sit somewhere else." Not really thinking about it, I moved to the next seat back.
Seated, I got to thinking about how just five minutes ago somebody was probably sitting there hacking up that chunk. I pictured the back of the chair in front covered with cough-spray. Maybe the air was still swimming with bacteria. Maybe I didn't even want to sit even one seat behind. Maybe I should move. The reasonable part of me pointed out that I didn't want to become like Howard Hughes. What about "Blue Highways" and wrapped sandwiches and all that?
While this debate raged, a couple lone commuters came up to the second level and I flinched every time they passed, because they might unknowingly choose to sit down in the... THE CONTAGION LABORATORY. Finally, this big mouth-breathing guy with a crew-cut came up and without even looking, sat down in the cough-spatter chair.
In disbelief, I waited for the guy to notice the huge spreading stain next to him, and in the end, found myself compulsively examining the back of his head. He had these big pink ears and fuzzy short hairs on the back of his neck. Somehow this made my proximity to the bloody saliva collection even more uncomfortable. Don't ask me why I didn't move. The worst part is the guy never noticed. You're never gonna believe this but after a couple of stops he fell asleep. Just took a little cat nap there in the PETRIE DISH.
